


Sometimes

by cardboardhydrates



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Blindfolds, Bloodplay, Body Dysphoria, Bondage, Character Study, F/F, Implied Dismemberment, Panic Attacks, Self-Hatred, Sex Addiction, Sex Used As A Coping Mechanism, Soul Sex, implied gore, implied snuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-16 02:10:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9269027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardboardhydrates/pseuds/cardboardhydrates
Summary: Sometimes sex is amazing and wonderful and you can't get enough of it, and sometimes its terrifying and strange and overwhelming and so very easy to get wrong.Or: Alphys has a lot of issues, and they interfere with her sex life.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Gotta warn you guys, this one is not fluffy or sweet at all. I triggered myself writing this and I need to go play with my cats for a while and recover from it. So have some Alphyne sort of smut, mostly just stream of conscious self-loathing.
> 
> Despite that, I'm actually kind of proud of this.

Sometimes, it’s the easiest thing in the world for you to do. All Undyne has to do is give you a sultry look and you’re instantly ready to throw yourself at her.

The sensations of pleasure, arousal, and release are so much better than anything else you feel now, a relief in the mire of anxiety and nasty awful that is your mind. So you chase after that feeling, desperate, insatiable and never fully satisfied, because when the high is gone, all that’s left is your disgusting continuing existence and the prospect of having to impose yourself on the world once again.

Luckily, Undyne has great stamina and is nothing if not adventurous. You’re so lucky to have her.

Sometimes, you’re not entirely honest about what exactly it is you want from her. You tell her how hot it is when her claws and teeth break the surface of your skin until you bleed, and she hesitantly digs into the vulnerable skin of your belly. But you don’t tell her that what you really want is for her dig deeper and rip out the fat and flab and rot until all that’s left is a beautiful monster deserving of her love.

Of course, that’s just a fantasy. There was nothing beautiful underneath the layers of grime and slime, just something grotesque beyond description. She’d tear and rip you apart, searching for that beauty until there was nothing left of you.

(Buried deep in your hard-drive, you have about 30 pages of nothing but Undyne slaughtering you in increasingly gruesome ways. Your favorite one is the one where you convince her that your limbs would grow back if they were cut off.)

Instead, you resign yourself to her sweet, gentle caresses, the slight sting of her claws barely breaking the surface, and marks that fade within a day. But the sight of your blood on her teeth is so very satisfying.

Undyne is so pure. You’re so lucky to have her.

Sometimes, she touches your soul, and you can feel the entirety of her, in all her brilliant, boisterous glory, and the depth of her genuine, earnest affection for you. Its completely undeserved, but you soak it in anyways.

You never touch her soul back. You’re afraid you’ll infect it.

Sometimes, it’s the hardest thing in the world. You freeze, can’t think of what to do next. Maybe you’ll push her too far, and she’ll be disgusted by you and your gross fetishes and end it all. Its horribly selfish, but the fear of her leaving overshadows the need to push her away.

You get so caught up in thinking of more worst case scenarios, what if you accidentally touch the wrong spot, what if you just really suck at this, “oh my god what am I doing everything I know about sex comes from hentai made by humans”, and suddenly you can’t breathe, it’s too much, its overwhelming, you’ve ruined so much so catastrophically what could you do to her? Then, you have to stop while you recover from your panic attack.

Sometimes, you let her take complete control. She ties you up and completely immobilize you, blindfolds you and fucks you, hard and fast, and your awareness shrinks to nothing but the feeling of her touch, her lips, her strap-on thrusting deep inside you, filling you up.

But sometimes, you freak out when you’re tied up and blindfolded, and Undyne is focused solely on you and attending to your needs, and you’re suddenly hyperaware of every flaw and you can’t see the expression on her face, is she discovering those flaws and losing interest in you, and you, once again, have a panic attack and everything grinds to a halt.

The worst part is that you can never tell which is going to happen. It seems to happen based on some obscure, complex algorithm you haven’t figured out yet, and all you can do is guess what will happen each time your clothes come off.

Despite all that, Undyne stays, helping you calm down after a panic attack, never blaming you when you’re both left horny and unsatisfied because the thing that was perfectly fine two days ago is suddenly terrifying now. You’re so lucky to have her.


End file.
